Confusing complexity

I have this...friend. At some point I was completely lost trying to understand their soul. Who they were, weren't, etc. This I learned - you cannot truly know anyone wearing armor. That's why it's armor! But once it's laid to rest, the confusing complexity becomes simple. It's an old soul, not so different from mine. (Just what I always believed) Why is it, the best people seem to be the most guarded? It's worth the patience, once you're "in". I'm glad I waited and trusted in who they were before I really had evidence. To have their confidence now, I would do the same all over again. Be myself, and let them be. :)

Why is the grass greener?

We've all heard the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side". Well, WHY!? Is it that you make an impatient choice, or a deeper, personal "lacking"? Or maybe, a stuipid, scared little game we play with each other, with life. Wanting what we cannot have, and not wanting something til it's lost. Human nature I suppose. Basic stupidity. *sigh*

I've sat down on my "grass" many times, happy enough, then finding some lonely blade, all brown and whithered, suddenly dissatisfied. Not with only the one blade, but the entire field, the field of my life. Why so shallow and dumb?! I guess at some point I realized you can pick that blade and throw it into the wind, or try to care for it, and regardless of your efforts, what you have will never be perfect. But, is it perfect for me? Does it make me happy, without looking around.

Sometimes I think it'd be easier to move to another country, alone, escaping everything familiar. At times I wish I was just brave enough to grab what I want, without considering anyone else. But that will never work, it's not who I am. And I know as glamorous as they seem, they are bound to have those options are bound to have downfalls as well. I do have to realize there are some choices I am making whether I want to or not. That scares me! And throws me into this "what if" mode. If I do this, or that, or maybe this....what if what if what if.

So instead of driving myself completely bonkers, I'm sitting here, letting all those thoughts explode into this blog. And....it's not really helping. That's because there is human choice, and you can't just "let things happen". Although I would like to. I guess my conclusion is - to make my decisions for the right reason, no because of what's right for someone else. I need to build a talllll talllll fence and worry about my "grass" only. :)

Remembering 9/11/2001

I pulled out my Mom's laptop, www.foxnews.com pulled up as usual. But today, a familiar image made news. How could I forget today is September 11? I remember where I was, and how awful it felt to watch the happenings that day. You wanted to put all your family in a tiny room and hug them at the same time, you wanted to don camo and join our military defending our beautiful country, to pray and cry and scream at the same time. That day made me appreciate how fragile even the strongest things are. A great building can fall, a grown man can cry, a life can be taken, all in a moment. Here we are, 7 years later. But the numb is still there for me, how someone could/would do this still blows my mind. And that same appreciation for what I have, and what could be lost at any time, is still there too. I hope I never forget what "freedom" means, what it costs, and how it feels when it is threatened. God Bless America!

Race for the Cure

Lauren and I are entered in the 5k competitive run for breast cancer awareness. What started as a fitness goal with a good cause, has turned into a heart issue. We both have women in our lives touched by cancer, it is for them, for ourselves, and for all the amazing, beautiful women in our life that we are running. We are raising funds as well, if you are interested in supporting, no matter how great or small the amount, please click on the link below.

www.komen-houston.org/goto/sarahcoley

My diary of sorts...

I have kept a diary, off and on, since I was about 10 years old. Somehow the older I get, the less time I have to sneak away and record everything. Thoughts, dreams, heartaches, questions, poems, happenings. And when I finally buy that adored, blank book, I don't know where to begin. So much has happened that I can't possibly remember it all, and while I attempt to catch up on the past, the present isn't waiting. That brings me to this little blog. A place I can spill my heart, and be completely honest, and I'm beginning now. If the past sneaks in, so be it, but I have to start now, or I keep losing time. To you, the reader of this candid blog, please don't be offended or judge me. If "Frank" is the male name for honesty, then "Sarah" is for sure the female. I can't help being blunt and open, it's who I am. Or should I say, it's who I am when I feel free to be me.